its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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