I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
