what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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