So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
