Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
