Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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