the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
