Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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