NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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