my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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