i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
