you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize