last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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