my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
