I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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