Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
