I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
