You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
