I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
