we're chasing vodka with high fives
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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