I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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