I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
pray to the hookup gods
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
