Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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