I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
