yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
