I skipped work to stalk him.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
