Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
