You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
