True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
