Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
