Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
