Ketchup is God's man juice
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
