Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
