been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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