Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
