i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
