I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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