Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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