I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
that's an acceptable place to lick
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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