Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
