Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
