I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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