I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
