That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
