not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
