I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
