There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
