tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
