new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
