im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
