roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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